Wergle-Flomp website holds an annual contest for the worst possible poem that’s accepted by bogus poetry sites--poetry companies who sell expensive books of supposedly great poems by unsuspecting authors.
IThis poem was accepted and praised by Poetry.com. They offered me a hundred dollar scholarship to a convention in Las Vegas where I’d receive a trophy. (I didn’t attend the convention.)
I didn’t win the Wergle-Flomp contest, but here was my entry.
Every single line or phrase of the poem is a British cliché’.
Pulling Your Leg
By Yuna Boodle
If you put your foot in your mouth,
Don’t shoot yourself in the foot--
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Got a leg on it, Keep on your toes,
Kick ‘em when they’re down and
Stand for something, or you’ll fall for anything
Head over heels, Unless you’re Fleet-footed and
Have a leg to stand on.
Trip the light fantastic, Might as well,
That’s the way Lady Luck dances.
Can’t dance in bed with one’s boots on,
With cold feet, On the run, One toe over the line.
Don’t jump to conclusions, She’s pulling your leg;
Its got a great beat, but you can’t dance to it.
Step on it, Foot loose and fancy free
Run like the wind, On equal footing, Following in her footsteps, If you were in her shoes,
Pay an arm and a leg, You bet your boots;
Don’t cover old ground Out for a Sunday stroll
You gotta put your foot down, Make tracks, Jump that fence when you get to it, Look before you leap, and Break a leg.
.
When the shoes on the other foot, Kick the bucket,
March to the beat of a different drummer
With two left feet, Stepping on people’s toes;
Skating on thin ice, Like walking on eggshells
Toe the line, Get off on the right foot;
Waiting for the other shoe to drop
Walk softly and carry a big stick
If the shoe fits, Put your feet up and stay awhile.
© by Geni J. White
